A Thousand Words
by odalys-ortiz
Summary: Joss is trying to find a way to take a picture with John. Could take place at any point after Many Happy Returns. Careese pairing because I just can't do anything else;)
1. A Thousand Words

Disclaimer: Any recognizable material in this story is used solely for entertainment purposes. Special thanks to SWWoman for the beta;)

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A Thousand Words

A picture was worth a thousand words.

As Joss looked at the photo in front of her, quite a few words sprung to mind. After clearing up her latest homicide case involving a teenage boy, Joss had come straight home. The weather outside was getting worse, thick snow falling from the darkened sky. She had divested herself of her work uniform and took a long warm shower. After she was done with her evening rituals, she ate a late dinner.

Taylor was over at a friend's house. She told him that it was a better idea if he didn't try to battle the oncoming storm and to stay put. When she ended the call, Joss grabbed a thick blanket and had a seat on her living room couch. Trying to find something to watch on TV, Joss quickly lost interest and shut it off.

Sitting in the darkened apartment, she looked over at the side table next to her. Reaching over, Joss opened the drawer and pulled out a picture that had been in her possession for a few months now. Looking back at her were the smiling faces of John and Jessica enjoying a drink in Mexico. This was the hundredth time Joss found herself looking at the picture. She knew that this woman was a touchy subject for John and didn't know how to give him this photo. It showed her how he used to be before the CIA corrupted him. That beautiful smile looking back at her from the photo did something to her insides, just as it had every time she looked at the photo.

John looked so happy and content with the world. How could he not? He was serving his country and found the love of his life. Joss wondered why he hadn't taken another picture like this, to have the memories for his new life. It irked her that he was crawling back from that hole she first saw him in and he didn't take some sort of photo to celebrate the new beginnings. It definitely wasn't because he didn't have a picturesque face. The years were kind to him, though he had grown a few more gray hairs since the photo. Somehow John Reese made it a look all his own and sexy to boot.

If only she could ask him to take one with her; that would make her immensely happy. Despite all the problems the two of them had, Joss still considered him a friend. She had pictures of all of those closest to her. Hell even Finch and Fusco consented after she bugged them long enough. They were her friends too. Joss thought about just sneaking a quick one but that was out of the question. She wanted the two of them in a single picture with the same smile that John would give her some days when was he was feeling especially playful.

It was a pipe dream Joss thought. He was unbelievably shy despite his outwardly confident demeanor. When it came to the numbers, there was no doubt that John would be all about business.

Joss let out a defeated sigh before putting the photo back where it was hidden, and then snuggled further into the blanket. Maybe she could take the picture from a distance when it would be more natural. Nah, the man's sixth sense was astounding. John just had this way to know exactly what you were thinking. It was reassuring that when Joss had a tough time expressing something, he would understand and spare her the trouble.

A knock on the door pulled Joss away from her thoughts. She was confused as to who in the world would be visiting this time at night , let alone risk trekking around in the now heavy storm outside. Reluctantly, she pulled the blanket off and shivered. It was still a bit cold even though she had cranked up the heater when she arrived home. Joss crossed the living room and looked through the peephole. Surprise was the first thing that hit her when she saw John standing on the other side. Only he would have been crazy enough to do such a thing. Hoping like hell that he wasn't here because of work, she undid the locks and opened the door. She had to hold back a laugh, seeing John with small piles of snow on his shoulders. "So what do I owe the pleasure John?"

He gave her not his usual smirk, but a heart stopping smile. "I just came to see how you were doing Joss."

She felt another shiver run through her body at her first name coming in that husky voice of his. It warmed her heart that John battled the storm just to check up on her. He knew first-hand how the type of homicide case she had just solved reminded her of Taylor. The victim would be a teenage boy killed in the prime of his life when he wasn't doing anything but hanging out with friends or going to the store. Joss leaned up against the threshold. "I'm okay. We caught the guy a few hours ago." Her head shook in disbelief. "Guy said that he didn't like how the victim looked at him and killed him. Can you believe that John? This guy took a life just because of the way someone looked at him."

"People try to justify it anyway they want Joss. Unfortunately, you know as well as I do that people have been killed for less."

He was right and Joss hung her head in sadness. "Yeah." Realizing that he was still standing in front of her door, she straightened up and moved aside. "I'm sorry. C'mon in. I'm sure you don't like being a human snowman."

Letting him into her warm house, Joss had to hold back the laugh as John took of his coat and the snow plopped on the floor. "Let me clean that up for you."

Before she could refuse, John was already off to the closet where she kept a mop. Hanging the coat near the door, Joss wondered how often he had broken into her home to know the exact layout by heart. It was a bit annoying because she stressed the importance of privacy and personal space to John more than once. However, during one of these conversations, John had confessed that when her number had come up that he refused to put any surveillance equipment in her home. That took her aback when she learned how closely John had kept an eye on her during that week.

Back with the mop, John quickly cleaned up the mess before putting it back. "Thanks for inviting me in. Wasn't sure if you were actually busy with anything."

Joss shook her head. "No, just thinking about things." John took a seat on the couch to the right of where she had been sitting while she went to the kitchen. "Want some coffee?" He said yes and she grabbed two mugs from the cabinet. For as long as she'd known him, Joss knew that John took his coffee black with a little bit of sugar, much the same way she did. Guess it was another thing that they had in common.

Returning to the living room, Joss handed John his mug before taking her seat and pulling her legs under her small frame. "What's the worse thing that you've seen someone die for John?" She asked, continuing their conversation from earlier.

He was deep in thought as John went over the years and dug into his past. It was not an innocent question, not something you would bring up when out with friends. This was a type of question you would ask when you knew the other person could understand. John came here tonight because he had suspicion that this homicide case was hitting her especially hard and he wanted to give her the chance to talk it out. "A parking ticket."

Joss scoffed at the answer. "What is this world coming too?"

"All you can do is keep doing is your best and make sure that those grieving families get the justice they deserve." John's voice was laced with passion and determination.

"Right." She took a long sip of her coffee. When she looked back at John, Joss smiled. "Thanks for coming here tonight. You didn't have to do all that, especially with all the snow outside. I would have been alright."

John shrugged his shoulders. "I just wanted to see for myself. The way you are, I know that these types of cases hit close to home and I just wanted to offer a friendly ear."

It was moments like this when they would just sit and talk that Joss would see the person John used to be. She wanted the man from the photo currently stashed away in her side tale, she wanted to bring that man back. But he wasn't one to talk about anything personal. John probably just acted like that was a different person so he had no reason to even touch those memories.

His voice broke through her thoughts. "You look like you want to ask me something Joss."

"Yeah, I was just curious about something." John's eyes told her to continue. "When I came back home, I took a look at some pictures of Taylor to remind me what I have been blessed with. You have something like that?"

"A picture?" Joss nodded. "I wouldn't since I am a dead man Joss. Whatever possessions I had before are gone and I'm never getting them back."

"Not even one?" There was slight hesitation with John as he tried to figure out what this was leading to. "Well why not have one now? I mean for all accounts, you are alive and well."

John's eyebrow rose up as the corner of his lip lifted up. "Are you asking to take a photo with me Joss?"

She shifted in her seat under his gaze. "Well yeah, I've got one with Fusco and Finch. That leaves you."

"How did you manage it with Finch?"

"I have my secrets" she said slyly. More like doing small favors such as paperwork and bringing hot tea.

Suddenly John was quiet and Joss wondered if she was stepping over boundaries. Maybe she had misinterpreted his motives for being here tonight and all he was doing was making sure his asset was ready the next time he needed her. Without warning, he slipped from the couch and got comfortable right next to her. "Um, what are you doing John?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "I thought you said you wanted to have a picture. Did you think I would say no?"

"Yes actually, I did." She looked down at her pajamas. I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion." All she had on were some blue boy shorts and a white tank top.

John pushed a bit closer. "I don't mind. Besides you look cute in those pajamas."

Joss flushed red and she had to turn away from him to hide it. "Shut up" she said in a huff. When she had calmed down, Joss looked back and had to stop herself from jumping in surprise at how close John was. "I really need to put a bell on you or something." The blanket was draped over the back of the couch so that she could move a bit closer.

It felt surreal to be huddle so close to John but Joss couldn't stop the smile on her face as he threw his long arm across her shoulders. Joss's hand hovered over his heart as his unique scent reached her nostrils. No matter what happened, they couldn't seem to stay away from each other. He lifted the phone in the air, directing the lens towards them. Because of their height difference, Joss's head was on top of his shoulder. "Say cheese." She rolled her eyes quickly before giving her best smile. The flash went off and the two separated. When John looked at the phone, he made sure to make it so that Joss couldn't see, piquing her curiosity.

"Well?" She tried to make a grab for it but he just pull out of reach. "Real mature. Seriously, if it's that bad, we can take another one."

John shook his head. "No, it's perfect." He then jumped up and made a mad dash to the door. "Well I better get out of your hair and let you sleep."

Joss was slow to react because of his unexpected movements. "John, let me see the picture." With the head start he got, John already had the door open when Joss was just getting up from the couch to pursue. "John, John!" The door was partially open when she finally reached it and even though it was freezing outside, Joss threw it open. Entering the hallway, she was just in time to see the other pair of doors leading outside just closing. Rushing back inside, Joss made her way to the kitchen where there was a window leading out to the street. When she pulled back the curtains and looked, John's large frame was looking back at her, as if he had been waiting for her to catch up. Even with the scowl on her face directed towards him, John just smiled before holding up and pointing towards his phone. Not understanding the gesture at first, Joss then heard her personal cell phone vibrating and glanced at it on the coffee table. When she looked back out the window, John was gone.

Questioning how in the world he keeps doing that, Joss replaced the curtain and grabbed her phone before sitting back on the couch. After unlocking it, she saw that there was a text from John. The message read _A picture is worth a thousand words. I'll stop by with breakfast in the morning. Sweet dreams Joss._ Below that was the picture that they had just taken. Joss smiled because John looked so happy, like everything was right with the world. His blue eyes were the brightest she had ever seen them.

The phone was pressed close to her chest as she pulled the blanket back over her. It was beginning to get difficult for Joss to keep her eyes open as she once again looked at the picture. Her last thought before finally succumbing to sleep was that it really was a perfect moment.


	2. A Phone Call

Disclaimer: POI still does not belong to me unfortunately.

 _Pre A/N: So yeah, this was suppose to be a one shot but then Ravenhusker sent the first review and wrote this: **She needs to print that picture, laminate it and keep it under her pillow so that she sleeps with John every night. ';) And, I wouldn't be at all surprised to find that John might also be sleeping with his copy of the picture, too. I could just visualize his cell phone laying on the pillow next to him, and him saying, "Goodnight Joss, sweet dreams." -every night. ';)** I feel in love with the idea and ended up doing this quick follow up chapter. Thanks goes to SWWoman for always being available to be my second eyes. Much love.  
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Chapter 2 - A Phone Call

"Okay Taylor, I think that's for the best anyway." As she spoke with her son on the phone, Joss looked towards her window at the heavy snow that had been falling since this morning. "You and Jason have a good time and stay safe okay honey? I would rather have you not try to fight the storm."

"Thanks mom. Are you going to be alright by yourself?" Even though Taylor was concerned for her, Joss smiled at the hint of excitement she heard in his voice that he would be able to spend the night at his friend's house. He was only supposed to be over there a few hours but the storm had grown worse and she didn't want to have to worry about her baby.

Joss sighed as she sat at her kitchen counter. "I'll live. I'm sure there is something here that can occupy my time. I hope to see you tomorrow." After saying their good byes, the two hung up. Closing the phone, Joss put it next to the picture that was lying in front of her. It was the one from a few days ago that John and she took. When the weather temporarily cleared up, she took some time during her lunch break to head to a local store to have the picture not only printed out, but laminated as well so that it would be protected. How could she not put care into something that had become her second most prized possession, the first being photos of Taylor when he was a baby?

It brought a smile to her face when she looked at the two of them together. It was strange how good they looked even though she and John were polar opposites of each other. Joss wouldn't admit it to anyone but she had found herself slowly becoming attracted to the man she had vowed to put away all those months ago. Joss asked herself so many times what had changed between them and she realized soon after he saved her life what it was. Even though he was a criminal, she could trust John more than anyone else.

Men Joss had tried to date in the past made their intentions clear; they did not wish to have a long term relationship, but didn't mind jumping into bed with her. At the precinct, Joss was shunned by some of her fellow officers because she was strictly by the books and because of her gender and race. Apart from Fusco, others weren't exactly happy to have a black woman that was in a better position pay-wise with fewer years in the department under her belt. Of course they didn't understand that she worked her ass off to get where she was.

Joss sighed as she laid her cheek on top of her fist as she continued her musings. John was different. He had gotten some kind of sick pleasure from the cat and mouse game they played. However, instead of belittling her for not being able to catch him, he did nothing but compliment her on her keen detective skills. It was an unusual mutual respect even though they had been on opposite sides of the law at that time. Thinking about it now, if she had known the truth earlier about his time in the CIA, Joss doubted that she would have spent a second going after him.

Now they both had this picture; a wonderful keepsake that proved that their relationship wasn't strictly professional.

Joss was so caught up in her thoughts that she jumped a little when her phone rang. She expected it to be Taylor to tell her something he forgot earlier but she was pleasantly surprised when she saw it was a blocked number. She answered in her professional tone even though she figured who was on the other end. "Carter"

"Hello Detective" John responded in that hoarse, sexy voice of his. Joss wondered how she was able to maintain control over her senses when he spoke to her like that.

"I hope that this is another social call John because I'm not exactly in the mood to go out today." As much as Joss enjoyed helping him, nothing was going to pull her from her warm apartment.

"I wouldn't dream of asking you to leave in this kind of weather. What kind of a man would I be to put someone in danger when I can just go into the line of fire myself?"

Joss was caught off guard by the response. She felt her irritation rise over how John always had this need to put others before himself, thinking that he's not worth wasting time on. She would try to keep the conversation light for now. "Well that would make you someone that has a few screws loose in that head of yours." She smiled when she heard the chuckle at the other end imagined John in his apartment with a smile gracing his features as he sat on his couch.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Joss scoffed, remarking how he would. "Are you and Taylor alright?"

There he went again, showing concern for others. That didn't stop Joss's heart from warming up though. "We're fine. He's over at a friend's house. I told him to stay put rather than try to fight the weather." She took a moment to look out the window and cringed at the ever increasing snowfall. "Glad I did too. It looks like it's getting worse."

"And you?" John pressed.

"What about me?" She questioned, not sure what he was implying.

"Are you alright? Do you have everything you need to get through this, food, water, and a working heater?"

"Don't worry about me John. I'm a big girl after all, been taking care of myself for years." She didn't hear so much as a chuckle on his end and sighed. The man really needed to learn to relax sometimes. "Really, I'm fine. Even if I was missing something, I'm not expecting you to drop everything to put yourself in danger for something minor."

"I would if you asked Joss. I want to make sure that you're safe."

She felt her pulse quicken at his words as she unconsciously ran her fingers over his image. "Thank you for letting me know that. I am surprised though that you aren't working tonight."

"Guess there are smart criminals out there. This storm wasn't something to underestimate."

"Yeah." Suddenly Joss wished that John was here sharing a thick blanket with her while drinking some coffee. She quickly shook the image away as she grabbed the picture and went to her bedroom, shutting the lights off behind her. "I guess that just means you'll have to wrap up more bad guys to make it up to me." Joss liked how John delivered criminals to her almost like a lover would roses, even if it did bug her to get attention from her fellow officers for his "presents."

It was strange.

It was irregular.

It was them.

She sighed as her mattress welcomed her body as she laid the photo next to her. Joss was exhausted after spending the day doing household chores such as cleaning the living room top to bottom. It was something productive to pass the time. Again her thoughts went to John and what he did on his days off. He was such a private person and the few times he opened himself up to her she never took granted. Joss knew that his past made it hard for him to get close to others because he thought that he didn't deserve the companionship. He couldn't be further from the truth.

"Sounds like you are about to go to bed Joss."

Stretching her muscles, Joss accidentally mixed a purr of content into her answer. "Mmmhmm." It hung in the air for a minute. Time seemed to stand still as the atmosphere and situation came together and her thoughts no longer saw the two of them on the couch sharing a warm drink. Smacking some sense into herself, Joss let out a nervous chuckle before elaborating. "Sorry, I just had a long day that involved lots of housework. I'm so use to working and normally don't have this much time to myself.

John chuckled and her heart began to slow down. "I guess we're both workaholics Joss." She then asked what he did to pass the time. "That's an easy one, I cleaned my arsenal."

This time Joss's laugh was genuine. "You would. Do you ever do anything normal?"

"I cook" he answered quickly.

"Oh?" She was surprised at the new information.

"Yeah, maybe I can show you sometime."

"I would like that."

Again there was silence before John spoke again. "I should let you get some sleep. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow if the weather clears up."

"Maybe. Goodnight John."

"Goodnight Joss."

They disconnected and Joss felt a pang of loneliness. Putting the phone on a nearby table, she settled in for the night but not before slipping the photo underneath her pillow in hopes of dreaming about him to fill that void and protect her from the nightmares.

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After the line went dead, John sighed as he put the phone on the coffee table. He hadn't meant for that last bit of information to slip out but he couldn't help himself around Joss. When he was with her, he was more forthcoming with things about his life that he would otherwise like to keep private.

John cursed the storm that stopped him from paying her another visit. It was then that he leaned over to pick up his phone again and access his photo album. There staring back at him was the lone photo that he had of Joss and him that they took not too long ago. A smile tugged at his lips as he remembered the close proximity and how he could have sworn her jasmine perfume infused his clothes because there were still faint traces of it clinging to them.

The last time he could remember a photo like this was when he was in Mexico with Jessica. There was no telling where it was now since she had died. As much as he had loved her, John felt differently towards Jessica now. He loved her but he didn't feel he was in love with her enough to change his life for her. She was someone that had deserved a husband that would come home from his job every day, not a solider that gets deployed for months out of the year.

John always grew bitter at the memory, wishing that he could have done something differently. Maybe if he had, Jessica wouldn't have died. He wanted it to be water under the bridge though, find some kind of closure with the woman that was looking back at him with her bright smile. Joss knew about him and what had happened to have him on the brink of suicide and she rescued him by just being herself.

As John took a finger to caress her digital image, he couldn't help but think back to how intimate his thoughts were as he spoke to her. He had to fight the urge to invite her to his loft for the first time. It wasn't the time, not yet anyway. Taking it slow was for the best because then he could back out before things got too complicated. Shaking his head, John knew he was fooling himself because things had already gone further than even he could have anticipated. What was surprising was how fearful he had become of losing it.

Joss was a woman that he could talk to about anything because she had the same type of background. Being in the military isn't something lots of people can relate to, especially the sadder aspects of it, but she understood. They both lost loved ones in some way, since she had lost her husband to PTSD shortly after being discharged. It was that shared experience that drew him to her when they first met because without uttering a word, she could read him, and understand his dilemma. John found that he wanted to share more secrets with her because he knew that Joss wouldn't turn away in disgust, but listen with interest and understanding. That's what he wanted for however long he had left in this world.

Growing tired, John decided that he would turn in early like Joss. It was quite the reaction his body had after hearing her voice with such a sensual tone. The soft purr was something he imagined would be produced if he caressed her body in just the right way. To be able to produce that sound at will sounded like heaven to him.

As he undressed and slipped into bed, John placed the phone, with the picture still on screen, on the pillow next to him but not before putting a small kiss to it first. Getting settled, John leaned over and turned off the tableside lamp to have the loft illuminated by the soft glow from his phone. He couldn't help one last smile before whispering "Goodnight Joss, sweet dreams" and then finally succumbing to sleep.

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Post A/N: So yeah, I've been quite surprised at how vocal JC has been at the con about two things. The first being about the human element being more important than the AI storyline and preferring to talk about Carter when asked about Iris each time different interviewers asked which was about 5 times. Then he went and said his favorite hour was Terra Incognita and that when he rewatched it, he had tears, which is pretty telling since in S3, he said his favorite scene was the death scene. Probably the most surprising is how Nolan tried to say John blew his chance with Carter only for Jim to say how it wasn't really his choice, his same answer about the Iris storyline. If the man himself is saying these things, there is no doubt that there have been problems for a long time now and then Nolan once again made the joke about killing John. The second time, it stops being a joke so I believe that John will be gone by mid season since the EPs went ahead and announced SS's return. Let's see how the rest of the audience, the about 6 million viewers that didn't vote Shoot in that CBS March Madness thing, take kindly to that action. Anyways, much love to the Careese and out patron saint Jim who somehow knows exactly what people have been talking about. Thanks to the FB group for keeping all of us informed with all the ins and outs. Also, for those who don't know, flashpenguin has decided to come back from her hiatus to working on Cupid again which has made me extremely happy so be sure to show her your love as she has started by reposted chapter 23. Everyone have an awesome day and I love you all who give me kind words and also those who help me try to be a better writer even though it is a daunting tasks with so many amazing veteran and new authors coming into the community:D


	3. A Visit

Disclaimer: Belongs to CBS and unfortunately the EPs. I only use resources solely for entertainment purposes;)

 _Pre A/N: So everyone, the holidays are upon us again and I have decided to put up one last chapter in this story. It got away from me which explains the length but I really am thankful that SW beta'd it:) Happy holidays everyone and enjoy this steamy conclusion;)_

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Chapter 3 - A Visit

For probably the hundredth time, Joss questioned her decision as she sat in the back of a taxi heading towards Baxter Street during the start of yet another snowstorm. Joss knew that it was a dumb idea and that she should have just stayed home, but she couldn't stand thinking about John being alone for Christmas. Clutching her purse tighter, Joss decided that she was going to give him the photo of Jessica to hopefully brighten his mood. She wanted to be there for him as a friend.

A few hours ago, after another case was wrapped up, Harold told her about John's strange behavior with their newest perp. He had kneecapped him as usual, but Harold had informed her that John had pistol whipped him too. She had been curious as to the origin of the head injury when he had been brought in. Much go Joss's surprise, Harold asked if she could stop by his apartment to make sure he was alright. When she asked why her, he said that he suspected that John would be able to open up better to her. John's unnecessarily violent approach towards the recent perpetrator was out of the ordinary for him and was a cause for concern.

Joss was even more surprised to learn from Harold that John had an apartment. She was happy for him of course, remembering the disheveled bum he used to be. It was nice to see him planting roots in New York. Joss's eyes drifted towards the window, the storm outside growing in intensity much like the night she had spoken with John over the phone. Why did Mother Nature seem to have the worst timing these last few weeks? At least Taylor called her before she left, assuring her he was at his friend's house by letting her speak with his friend's mother.

The cab driver taking Joss to her destination expressed concern about driving in the weather, saying how he wanted to get back to his family. Feeling sympathy towards the older man, Joss asked him to drop her off a block from the street. He refused at first out of fear of her safety but she reassured him that she was more than capable of taking care of herself and it was important that he get home safely himself. Joss paid the entire fare, with a generous tip and wishes for happy holidays, then exited the cab. As soon as she did, Joss pulled the collar of her coat up to protect herself from the cold wind as she watched the cab driver go forward before turning left. She left in such a rush that she didn't even change out of her pajamas, only taking the time to throw on some sneakers before heading out.

The streets were practically deserted and the only sound was the crunching snow under Joss's feet as she scanned the building numbers. She found what she was looking for four buildings down and let out a long, low whistle. In all her time living in New York, Joss rarely found herself in this more upscale part of the city. The fierce wind reminded her to get inside and approached the glass door with a keypad. Inputting the four digit code she got from Harold, the small light changed from red to green, granting her entry. Joss sighed as the door closed behind her and the lobby enveloped her in warmth. Looking around, she didn't see anyone and Joss couldn't help but note how the decor itself screamed expensive yet inviting. She then spotted two elevators in the far corner next to a flight of stairs.

Pressing the button to summon the elevator, Joss smiled at the thought of John trying to refuse such a luxurious gift. He had become a more humble person since working the numbers. The reflective silver doors opened and she stepped into the empty car before hitting the fourth floor button.

Looking inside her purse, Joss's fingers grazed over the manila folder that held Jessica's picture. Despite viewing it dozens of times, Joss was still taken aback by John's dazzling smile. He looked so happy and content with his life. She had seen a ghost of that same smile directed at her on rare occasions like wrapping up a particularly hard case. Joss felt warmth that she hadn't felt since Paul, before his PTSD. She would have been lying to herself if she said she hadn't been attracted to John. She had been too distracted by the cat and mouse game to notice anything. Then things changed when he saved her only for her to turn around and give him up to Snow.

The ding of the elevator brought Joss out of her thoughts to let her know she had reached her destination before the doors opened. Stepping out into the decorated hallway, Joss moved towards the row of doors on her right. She wondered how big the apartments could have been, seeing only 4 doors before her. She looked at numbered silver plate, dismissing each one as it wasn't the apartment she was trying to find.

Finally, at the end of the hall, Joss found it. Her hands squeezed the strap of her purse that hung in front of her as she tried to make out any sounds from inside. Harold had told her that there weren't any more cases tonight so John should be home. Then the sound of creaking floor was heard from the other side. Joss's back stiffened because she knew that this was overstepping boundaries. As many times as John entered her home illegally, it wasn't for casual talk. He had been vulnerable and unsure of what to do because Finch had been kidnapped by Root. Joss smiled at the idea that he had let his guard down around her.

This was different however. There wasn't a crisis that needed his attention. She just wanted to give her friend something that he should have had a long time ago. _Okay Joss, this is it and you'll even get to see where New York's infamous vigilante lives_ her inner thoughts said, hoping to pump herself up. Then she raised her hand and knocked lightly on the hardwood. The creaking silenced for a moment before it got louder. The next thing Joss heard were locks being undone and then finally the door opened.

John stood there as handsome as ever. His eyes widened as he realized who it was and moved quickly, grabbing Joss's wrist gently to pull her inside. She was stunned by the action because now she was looking at his home while he redid the locks. "So I take it Finch sent you here" he accused her as he stood in front of her, taking note of the small shivers that wracked her body and the slightly blue tinge on her otherwise perfect lips.

Joss put on an innocent face and shrugged her shoulders. "You could say that." Clutching the purse again, she softened her tone. "Are you okay? What Finch told me you did, it isn't like you."

"And I take it that you know me so well to be the judge of that Detective," he snapped. When he saw the shocked and hurt expression, he sighed before calmly continuing. "You should go. Tell Finch that I'm alright."

"Can't. I took a cab here and from the looks of things when I walked the last block here...and that" she pointed a finger towards the large floor to ceiling windows that showed a heavy flurry of white snow "I won't be able to go anywhere and I doubt you would be so mean as to kick a poor girl out in a snow storm." She smiled when she saw his defeated look. Joss had been hurt by his earlier comment but she knew that if they could just talk about it, then she could figure out what was wrong. Joss walked over to the coat rack near the door. "So am I going to get a tour of John Reese's apartment or what?"

Watching her movements, John saw that she was making herself comfortable. Joss was right. He wouldn't have the heart to kick her out but damn it, she shouldn't be here in the first place. This wasn't her concern. He wasn't so important that the woman he had fantasized making love to on more than one occasion needed to check up on him. Removing her coat, John was surprised to see her only in a thin pair of white drawstrings pants and a matching spaghetti strap tank top. Now all he could think was helping her get warm but before he made a move for the thermostat, Joss bent down to search for something in her purse. The tank top rose just enough that John saw something suspicious on her back that caught his eye. He saw shades of green that hugged her sides and also met up with something that fell on the very center of her back but he couldn't make out what. When she made another move, her pants dropped slightly and John swore that his groin took a hit when he saw a hint of her black panties. John turned around quickly because he knew that he was oogling his friend.

Joss was a beautiful person and John had her photo on his phone be the last thing he saw before he went to sleep every night for the last few weeks. She was able to chase away the nightmares that were filled with bodies and blood. Instead, she loved him and allowed him to love her for what felt like hours. It was beautiful and John remembered how good they felt together, how sweet she tasted. Joss was always the person that tried her best to take care of his needs, even in a dream.

Walking over to the wall in front of the kitchen, John adjusted the thermostat panel to increase the temperature. "Whatca doing?" Joss asked suddenly but John was aware of her thanks to her jasmine scent growing stronger.

He turned around to address her question. "Just making it warmer since you did such a reckless thing by coming here in nothing but that Carter." He moved his hand up and down next to her to show what he meant.

Joss grew annoyed. "Well excuse me that Finch told me something and gave me no time to look proper for you before sending me here John."

"You could have stayed home too or better yet I can drive you myself." He was not in the mood to see Joss or experience the feeling he felt when he saw her.

"And miss a chance at getting a tour out of you? No way buster." Her eyes then went back to looking around, missing the agitated groan from John. She had gone digging in her purse earlier to actually give herself another inner pep talk by looking at the photo. It was a huge personal boundary that she was about to cross when she confronted him and she wanted to be ready. For now, she would try to see if she can get him to open up since they were going to be stuck together for a while. It was a small success that he took her in. "This isn't bad at all."

"It was a gift from Finch. Not exactly used to it yet." The loft was still spotless, as if he hadn't been living there the last few months. He watched as Joss's eyes roamed over the place he considered home. It was a place he enjoyed because he could make the trip to the park and play with Han easily. To have Joss here was different. It wasn't that he didn't want her here. Quite the opposite, but right now with what the perp from today's case did...

"So how long do I have to work to get something like this from Finch?" She joked.

John shook his head, getting rid of his thoughts for now. "I'm sure he is planning something this Christmas." He fought back a cringe as he reminded himself of the upcoming holiday.

"And what about you? Got anything for me?" She teased, not that she wanted anything from him but his presence. When she saw his eyes widened, she laughed before hitting his shoulder. "I'm joking John. I know you aren't the gift giving type."

He led her to his living room so she could get comfortable while continuing to stand. "Joss, do you think I'm that heartless?"

"Nope," she answered back quickly.

"What about with our number? That's why you came here isn't it?"

She took a second to think about her answer. "I do think that you went a little overboard, at least until I read the whole case file and found out what he did. I have to say that we both have our reasons for not being fans of domestic violence. Still though, I wonder if you were angry with the guy or what he reminded you of." Joss saw him tense and grew concerned that she had overstepped her boundaries. She learned a few things about John that he never told her thanks to her trip to New Rochelle.

"What does it matter? It's always the same." John walked over to his windows. "I have the ability to save these strangers but when Jessica needed me the most, I failed her." Joss watched him as he stood unmoving as the snow continued to blanket the city. She then lowered her head, her heart aching to understand why he felt so responsible when it was all in the past. "There's a bathroom at the end of the hall. You should take a shower to help warm up" he offered.

Joss's head shot up, but when she looked at him, his back was still to her. She thought if how he was the one that needed warming up and she was not talking about the weather. Another shiver ran through her. The apartment was growing warmer but she wouldn't mind a faster method. "I think I'll take you up on that offer." She stood and walked behind the couch. Before disappearing down the hall, she said "This isn't over John." Then she was gone.

"I know," he whispered when she was out of earshot. He finally turned away from the windows to make his way to the linen closet and grab a towel for Joss. As he got closer to the bathroom, he heard the sound of water. He smiled to himself since he intentionally neglected to tell her about the large Jacuzzi tub. "I knew you couldn't resist" he said playfully as his mood lifted for a moment. Joss seemed to have an uncanny ability to piss him off and make him smile. He knew she would push him, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to let her in.

"Shut up!" Joss yelled through the door.

"I'm going to leave a towel by the door for you." John then thought of something else. "Do you want something of mine to wear?

There was a drawn out silence as he waited for her answer. "No thanks, I'll be fine" She finally said.

John took that as his cue to give her some privacy. He had only made the offer to be polite but mentally kicked himself. Was he trying to put himself in a lust-filled coma? Going back to the living room, John decided to make her some coffee. It was easier to worry about making sure she didn't catch something. His mind was kind enough to offer a more direct method but he hushed it to start the task at hand.

* * *

Joss sighed as she relaxed in the warm water, her worries dissolving away if only for a few minutes. John was sneaky for not telling her about this luxury she would have killed for. When he had offered to let her use his clothes, she had to push away the yes that teased her mind. For now, Joss needed to focus on getting him to understand that he wasn't a monster. If that was true he wouldn't have saved her and countless other strangers since he came to New York.

After telling him no, she heard John walk away and start fumbling around for something. Joss was fond of his apartment. It wasn't lavish; there were basic essentials such as bed and couches for the living room. The most amazing aspect were the floor to ceiling windows that allowed a beautiful view of the city that had become his home. Joss was dazzled by the sight, never seeing anything quite like it, even after living in New York for years. It was a simple wonder, but one that was at his fingertips.

Joss sighed as she thought back to their earlier conversation. John felt that he had failed Jessica, these abusers most likely reminded him of Peter, and he lashed out at them much like he wanted to do to Jessica's husband...or had. Joss still wasn't sure as to Peter's exact fate. From what she saw at his house in New Rochelle, there had been a fight. When she had received the call from the Mexican prison about Jennings, the Warden told her that there were one or two Americans held there. It wouldn't have been hard to think that Jennings wasn't John's only drop off. Joss needed to know for sure. He had asked for her trust and she gave it willing. Now it was his turn to trust her with the truth so they could move forward.

After a few more minutes of soaking, Joss decided it was time to get out. Rising out of the water, she gingerly made her way to the door so she wouldn't slip. When she slowly opened the door, the smell of coffee reached her nostrils. Joss spotted the towel and grabbed it, all the while smiling at John's consideration. She felt much better after drying off and redressing. After making sure everything was cleaned up and the towel was draped over a nearby towel bar, she made her way to the kitchen.

Joss could feel droplets of water from her still damp hair hit her shoulders as she gave the kitchen a once over. Just like the rest of the apartment, it was spotless. Her eyes fell on John's broad back as she heard the sound of something pouring, and the coffee smell was getting stronger. "I thought this would help" John commented without even turning around to make sure she was there.

She smiled as she slipped onto one of the bar stools. "It smells great. What kind of coffee is it?"

John turned around, cup in hand. He paused momentarily to gaze at the woman in front of him. He couldn't believe how vulnerable this hardened detective acted around him of all people. When she reached for the cup, their fingers brushed and he swore that he felt something before pulling away. "I don't even know. I just found it here."

Joss let out a laugh. "John, you've been living for a while right? What do you know about it?"

"Well I do have my own gun closet" he responded without hesitation.

Because of how quickly he answered, Joss didn't believe him as she took a sip of her coffee and enjoyed the combination of what tasted like caramel and chocolate. "Very funny." When he didn't say anything, her eyes widened as she put the cup down. "You're serious?"

He held a hand out to her. "I'll show you."

Joss looked from his hand to his face several times in a matter of seconds, disbelief etched on her face. Finally, she placed her hand into his, noting how large and soft it was despite how often he fought and handled weapons. The coffee forgotten, John led her out through another part of the kitchen and took a quick turn that led them to another closet. Looking back at her, John didn't see any fear or hesitation on her beautiful face, only curiosity. He smiled at the thought that he could show Joss things that she would understand because of her experiences. They shared a lot in common and it was that familiarity that caused John to open up in ways that he couldn't have predicted.

Once in front of the doors, John reluctantly let go of Joss's hand and pulled the doorknobs apart.

"Jesus!" Joss exclaimed as she looked at his large arsenal. Each time her eyes drifted to a large sniper rifle or assault rifle, her eyes widen. She stepped closer and she was amazed at the different types of weapons that were before her. Some of them she couldn't imagine someone getting their hands on, like the grenade launcher.

John came up behind her smiling. "Well in my defense, I did stop these guns from getting into the hands of teenagers. If Anton is anything to compare, I think this generation is doomed." He heard Joss chuckle and John noted how sweet the sound was. He thought about how comfortable she was around him even though she knew of his past and the monster he was.

She further examined his arsenal before turning around, a scowl gracing her beautiful face as she was deep in thought. "I don't get you John."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean the fact that you keep harping so much on your past. Look at you now. You're doing your best to repent for the sins you think you committed and yet you're still hard on yourself." She wanted to know why.

"It's because I should have done something different. Maybe if I had said no to Langley or stayed with Jessica a little longer, she would still be alive."

Joss took a step forward. "You don't know that John. Even if you did do all that, it doesn't mean something else would have happened that would have caused you to leave."

"I was scared to ask her to wait. I didn't want her to waste her time with me but at the same time I wanted her to."

Another step. "You aren't the only person afraid of something better. The what ifs are things that we can't do anything about anymore. That isn't something that you should be brooding about day and night." Her voice cracked slightly as she felt a swell of emotions, remembering her struggle with Paul. She was just like John, until she remembered that she had a son to take care of that meant more to her than someone else's pride. "If I hadn't walked away from my marriage, I don't have a doubt that something would have happened to Taylor. I love my baby with all my heart and would do anything to protect him, even from his father. John, you beat yourself about everything but at least you didn't pretend that you did nothing wrong like Paul. You wanted to do some good and the guys at the CIA told you that you would be able to do that with them. You couldn't have known what was going to happen." Now she was within arm's reach. "It's those choices that make us who we are. You always feel like you don't do enough to make up for what you had done but you do…to me."

John lowered his head when he felt Joss press hers against his chest. He felt his heart swell at the memories that never stopped haunting him, even in this new life he had started over a year ago. He then wrapped his arms around the woman that had made him want to change the outlook he had on his life. Then he felt something wet hit his chest. "Joss…"

"You're an idiot, you know that" she said, her voice slightly muffled by his shirt. Suddenly she pulled away. "Wait here" Joss instructed as she went back through the kitchen.

John watched as he saw her go back to the front door and after a few seconds come back with an envelope in her hands. "I'm sorry I never had the chance to give this to you." She then handed it over to him. When John opened it up, his eyes widen as he saw himself looking back at him along with Jessica, drinks in hand and smiles on their faces. "I got it when I stayed a little longer with Jessica's mother, found it in a jewelry box." Joss touched his hand that tightened around the picture. "Don't use this as a reminder of your failures. Just think of the good times you had a chance to spend with her and how those experiences made you the man I see standing in front of me."

It all made sense now why she had been so adamant about taking a picture of him. "And here I thought you only wanted my picture for my good looks" he joked, trying to hide the flood of emotions that threatened to burst forth at seeing Jessica's face again. It brought up so many bad memories of how he let her down but Joss was right; it was too late to do dwell on the past. As he pressed his fingertips to Jessica's face, he knew that he had someone in the here and now that he didn't want to make the same mistake with. "Thank you."

Joss felt herself relaxing after what felt like an eternity for his reaction once she gave him the picture. She thought that he would be upset because she had hidden it from him all this time. She could visibly see the emotional wall he constructed for himself crumble as he gazed down at the image from the past. "Well appreciate it since I did freeze my ass off to deliver it to you. So no more beating up on harmless suspects okay?"

John nodded his head. "Okay."

"We're okay right?" she asked wearily. She didn't want to walk out of here tonight and never see him again. That would have broken her heart.

"Trust me Joss, I needed to hear it. It's just that I've never been able to tell anyone about it because they wouldn't understand. You and Harold can because you both know. It's easier for me."

She threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around his waist to give him her best hug. "Good thing that I can be as stubborn as you." She paused before asking something that had been bugging her for a while. "So when I asked, the Warden told me there were one or two more Americans there. Am I safe to assume that Peter is there too?"

Joss breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him nod. "We got into a fight and I did manhandle him but I didn't kill him. I wanted to because of Jessica's death was still fresh in my mind but a part of me knew that she wouldn't want that."

She gave him another squeeze. "Good." She felt a weight fall off her own shoulders, knowing that John wasn't lying. Joss was glad that at least she was able to decipher a little more of the enigma known as John Reese. Even though he had been trained to be a ruthless killer, he had felt disgusted over his own actions. John had never taken any satisfaction in taking another life. He had only done it as a last resort like what almost happened to her. "John, I know that you had hated yourself for taking another life, but just know that if you hadn't, I wouldn't be here with you right now. If you hadn't shot BottleCap, he would have killed me."

John's breath hitched at the memory of her lying on the cold pavement with her trusted CI aiming a gun at her head. He had taken his eyes off her for a second and that could have cost her her life. Even while recovering from Snow's ambush, Joss had been in his thoughts everyday. He squeezed tighter. "I don't like remembering Joss. I did everything that I could to keep you safe."

Joss tilted her head up, seeing that he wasn't looking at her but his closet. "And I keep telling you that I can take care of myself. I've been doing this job long before you showed up remember? Stop adding weight that doesn't have to be there. If you made one mistake, Bottlecap would have still killed me." She took a hand and forced John to look at her, her breath catching at how his blue eyes looked like dark sapphires. At that very moment, Joss swore that she was looking into this man's very being. "You are only human John" she uttered softly, as she remained lost in his eyes.

At the same time, John really took in the woman in front of him. He knew that Joss was able to handle herself in any situation. His hand lifted up and grazed her cheek. "I'm scared Joss." Her eyebrows knit together in confusion and he continued. "I know that you can take care of yourself but I don't want anything bad to happen to you and know that I could have done something to help you."

"You mean like with Jessica." He nodded. "John, it's not…" He pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her.

"I need to tell you this Joss, the reason why I'm so protective of you. My failure to help Jessica when I could have hurt me, it hurt me so much that I wasn't willing to go on. I didn't deserve it when I was doing terrible things when Jessica was out there saving lives. I told myself every day that if we could have traded places, I would have in a heartbeat. She was someone that I was in love with and wanted to have a normal life with. She had asked me to ask her to wait for me, even when she was going to marry another man and I just stayed quiet, letting her walk away because I thought it was better for her to stay away from me. Then Peter killed her and all I wanted was revenge." John felt the bile rise in his throat at the memory. "I confronted him but I couldn't do it. Even though he had taken her life, I couldn't take his. So instead I knocked him out and put him in the Mexican prison. Then I just walked the streets, contemplating how I would end my own life. Joss, that night I met you, I was ready to do just that. Once I had one last drink, I was going to put a bullet in my head."

Joss saddened at John's confession. She knew that he was someone that would give his life to protect strangers, so to find that he felt so responsible for someone he cared about wasn't surprising. She still wanted to tell him again that he couldn't fix everything and things just happen; but she let him continue.

"Something happened that night. When you walked into my life, I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time."

"What was that?" she whispered.

John smiled as he lowered his head ever so slightly. "A connection. I had felt something draw me towards you that moment you walked in. Even now, I'm telling you about something that I haven't even talked to Finch about because I feel as though I'm closer to you."

"Aww shucks John, you sure know how to make a girl feel special" Joss joked, hoping to slow down her now racing heart.

He framed her face with his hands then, making sure that she was looking at him. "Joss, I think of you as more than just an asset, even more than a friend. You saved my life and even though I tried so hard to steel my heart against you, it was in vain. I feel differently for you than Jessica. Even though I was in love with her, I never said the words because I never felt like I would go crazy if I didn't." Joss's eyes softened as she searched his face, trying to figure out what he meant. He found it funny that this hardened detective appeared to never have something like this happen to her. How many men took this woman for granted? John made a note to find out and pay them a 'friendly' visit in the future.

Joss raised her hands to cover his, blindsided by what she was hearing. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? Her heart soared that he never thought of her as just a nameless asset. She knew it in her heart he had let her in because he smiled more around her, and let his guard down. Turning her head, she kissed his palm before nuzzling it, feeling his pulse quicken much like hers. She silently gave him strength, something that he always took from her.

John turned his head, trying to recollect himself. "God Joss, I don't know how to say this without having you think it's a line."

"John, just say it. I've known you long enough to know when you're joking."

"That's just it Joss. I don't want you to have any doubts about what I'm about to tell you."

Without any more encouragement, John struck. Instead of continuing like she expected, he closed the distance between them and pressed a sweet kiss to her lips. He was slow at first, wanting to give Joss an out if she wanted it. It would kill John, but he would do anything for this woman so he could have her in his life. He was pleasantly surprised when instead of pulling away, Joss wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer.

Joss felt as if she was tingling all over and that was just from one kiss. Even Paul couldn't make her feel this way. Pulling him closer, Joss licked the seam of his lips, eliciting a primal growl from him that she felt everywhere. She wanted to get away, get a chance to breathe but the sensation was so addicting that she wanted more. What a pleasant dilemma to be in.

They separated but before John could say what he wanted to say, Joss caught him off guard with another kiss. This time when he felt her tongue demanding entry, he allowed it and began a battle for dominance; one that John wouldn't mind losing. With Joss's body so close, John allowed his hands to roam down her back. There was only a thin barrier that kept him away from the mocha skin that he had imagined touching for so long.

Joss was doing some exploring of her own as she let her hands move from around John's to grip his broad shoulders. She had wondered for months what he hid under those tailor made suits and from the muscles her hands were feeling, she had an inkling that she wouldn't be disappointed. She smiled when she felt him grab her butt. She never would have pegged him as the kind of guy to like one feature of a woman. Her thoughts were interrupted when he used that leverage to lift her into the air, causing her to give out a muffled shriek before wrapping her legs securely around his waist. Joss did her best to avoid any further intimate contact for fear of skipping the foreplay and going right to bed. Heck, they'd had their moments for the year and a half that they've known each other.

John loved the feel of Joss so close. It was even better than his dreams. He took her over against the windows and laid her against the cool glass. Joss felt herself shiver the second her skin made contact.

They were still fused at the lips until oxygen became an issue and forced them to separate. Joss felt like she had the stuffing kissed out of her as she took deep breaths, much like John. She could feel John's body heat warding off the cold from being pressed up against his window. She squeezed her legs together, brushing his covered, semi hard erection against her. "So you were saying?" She teased, going back to before their absolutely hot make out session. Joss definitely needed the breather and John looked like he could use it.

John eased her back down to the floor but kept their bodies close. He smiled as he looked at Joss against the backdrop of a snowy New York. In John's eyes, she looked like a vision, her brown skin and midnight black hair contrasting beautifully against the window. Joss gave no indication that she felt this was a mistake, or that they shouldn't be together. It was true that they were on opposite sides of the law but that attraction was still there regardless of how hard he tried to stop it. His fingers grazed over her cheek, watching her eyes close and a sigh leave her lips. "After what just happened, is there really any question of how I feel?"

Joss shook her head and swallowed the lump that was in her throat. She pressed a hand over his heart, feeling the strong heartbeats underneath. "God John this isn't like me" she started. When she opened her eyes, she saw him silently encouraging her with his soft smile. "What I mean is that you are the last person I should feel anything for. You're reckless, stubborn..."

"A criminal" he added.

"A criminal" she repeated. "I thought that I had a type I went for and never in my life would I had thought I would become so close to someone like you, but I have and I don't want to ever lose that or you."

John took her hands in his and held them between their bodies. "I'm curious if thisis anything like those romantic comedies Taylor tells me you adore so much."

"I do not! That boy is going to get a stern talking to about revealing my private life to you." She huffed, but it was all in good nature and caused John to chuckle.

"There is no shame in it Joss. You secret is safe with me" he promised before growing serious. "Joss, I never thought that I wanted to try putting my heart on the line. I thought that there was only room for Jessica until I met you." He squeezed her hands. "I've had so many restless nights thinking about all the lives that I took. Remembering Jessica only added to that pain. You, on the other hand, are able to push away that darkness that has been with me for so long. You never once treated me like a monster that needed to be locked away. You gave me a second chance and that allowed Finch to give me a purpose that made me happy for the first time in a long time. I will always be grateful to the both of you. How am I doing so far?" Referring back to his joke about her love for romantic comedies to lighten the obviously heavy mood.

Instead of denying it again, she just said "Good so far." Then sucked on her bottom lip to relieve her still present nerves.

"Joss, what I'm trying to say is I want to try to be something more with you but if you don't want this, I understand. I know that you've been alone for a while and like I told you before, I've got your back. Even if you don't want to do this, that won't change okay?"

John's sincerity was who he was. When he gave someone his word, he made damn sure to keep it. He did just that when he saved Joss's son when she had no one else that she could trust. John went beyond the call of duty before their shaky reunion, protecting her from the ambush while transporting one of the mob bosses. Maybe it was time to stop being alone. Joss leaned up to press a quick kiss to his lips. "I want more too John. So many people have told me that I was all alone out there in the big bad world and I figured that it was what I was meant to be. It was easier to protect Taylor that way since his own father became a threat to us. Since meeting you, I haven't felt that way until we had our falling out. I missed you but I needed time and you're right, you did still have my back but I don't want us to just be friends anymore when I feel just as strongly about you." When she kissed him again, John didn't let her go. Instead, he pulled Joss away from the glass into his arms and slowly directed them to the large bed in the corner while peppering light kisses down her neck.

It was hard for Joss to keep a grasp of what was going on as John lightly sucked on a particular spot on her neck that had her throwing her head back with a deep moan. She knew where he was leading her and she wanted nothing more than to feel him pressed against her bare skin.

John stopped just at the foot of the bed and finally separated his mouth from the delicious treat that was her skin. He was damn sure that he was going to take his time tasting every inch of it after he satisfied his curiosity about one thing. Joss gave him a questioning and annoyed look, clearly not happy with him for stopping his ministrations. John just smiled back before saying "Joss I've been curious about something for a few minutes now and I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Umm, okay what John? It better be worth stopping getting a girl all hot and bothered." Joss hadn't expected to just get lifted and tossed on the bed just like that. She landed face down with a small bounce and felt the softness from his sheets. Before she could turn over, John climbed on top of her and put his large hand on the small of her back, stopping her. She held her breath when she felt that hand slowly lifting up the tank top until it hit the middle of her back. When her brain came back, Joss realized what he was going to ask about. "I got it after having Taylor. The heart is my love and the vines are supposed to be him growing from it."

Hearing the explanation for the tattoo, John was in awe for how much love this woman had to give. His fingers grazed the colored ink, noticing Joss flinch and her sharp intake of air. "You couldn't be any more beautiful but earlier you got my blood running hot not just with this but teasing me with a glimpse of your panties. I swear you are going to be the death of me again and again in a good way. You are just so sexy."

"Look who's talking John. Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Instead of answering, Joss felt his fingers on the elastic of her pants pulling up until she was on her knees and fell back into John's strong chest. Instantly, his hands went to the thin straps of her tank top, tugging them down until her breasts were exposed to the cool air. "Oh!" Joss uttered in surprised as she felt her nipples harden instantly when she felt those large hands tugging and twisting them, giving her no chance for reprieve.

John smiled as he felt Joss squirming under his touch. He felt himself harden as her ass inadvertently rubbed up against him each time he applied more pressure. "Last chance Joss to walk away from this, to pretend that any of this happened." His nose nuzzled her left ear as he waited for her answer.

She put her hands over his, wanting him to increase the pressure before saying "I won't walk away from this, not now John so don't ask me again." Joss cried out went he granted her wish. The harder tugs and tighter squeezes shot a feeling of arousal down to her now throbbing core. "John…I want to touch you too," she gasped.

Even though they had come this far, John was reluctant, knowing what his body looked like. "I want to warn Joss about my scars…"

"I don't care John, I want to see you" Joss answered quickly, knowing exactly what he was assuming. She had been apprehensive about being intimate with Paul because of her own scar that ran up her right hip. "You aren't the only one that has less than perfect skin but I don't care. Please." Her head laid lazily on his shoulder when he stopped his actions, contemplating what to do.

Again without warning, John spun her around until she was now in his lap facing him, her long legs wrapped around his waist. His eyes drifted down and he licked his lips as he looked at the hard nipples that topped her perfectly shaped breasts. Going down still, he then caught sight of what she was talking about. There on her hip was a patch of mangled skin. "What happened?"

"Landmine in Fallujah. I survived when the guy I was doing patrol with didn't. It's a constant reminder that I am alive for a reason." Joss slipped her hands through the straps of her tank top so that she could wrap her arms around John's neck, teasing the collar of his shirt. John nodded his head and began slowly unbuttoning his shirt. Joss swore that her mouth watered as she observed his taut chest with a light sprinkling of hair. She then saw a straight discolored line near his right shoulder. Pulling herself closer, Joss pressed her lips to the wound. John closed his eyes, loving the feel of her gentle touch. "Where?" she whispered, replacing her lips with her soft touch.

"A not so friendly interrogator that wanted some information." When he saw her turn her gaze away, John knew why. "Don't cry Joss. It happened a long time ago."

She sniffled and managed to calm down. "It's not that John. I know that there is another scar that is my fault."

John took a finger and lifted her face until she was looking back at him. "I don't blame you. In fact I'm thankful because it allowed us to work together. Every time I see this" his hand went towards his lower abdomen "I think about how happy I am that it brought us closer."

"You're insane to think of gunshot wounds as a good thing."

"Only when it comes to you Joss." Once the buttons were undone, she helped him slip it off his shoulders, leaving him in his undershirt. "It also taught me to be better prepared." He tapped the part that was reinforced so that it would be bulletproof without hindering his movement. That was the next piece of clothing to go, tossing it on the floor next to the bed. John maneuvered the thin tank top up and over so that it would join the growing pile. He pulled her close, relishing in finally getting the skin contact that he had fantasized for so long before attacking her skin with his mouth again. He pushed her back so that his lips could leave a burning path starting from behind her ear, down her neck, and between her breasts. John pushed her back to the bed so that he could lick down her stomach, dipping his tongue into her belly button, hearing her giggle above him. "Ticklish?"

Joss's head hit the pillow when he did it again, biting back the laugh that threatened to spill out. She grew lightheaded when she felt John slipping his fingers under the elastic of both her panties and sweats before pulling them down. She was thankful that he was looking at her in such a way that had her feel beautiful. After the pants joined the rest of her clothes, Joss sat back up and her eyes looked right at his belt. "Now you know that it's not fair that I'm the only naked John."

He shrugged his shoulders. "It may not be fair to you but for me, it's a sight that I dreamed of for a while now."

"Oh, you've had dreams about me? I'm flattered."

"It was thanks to that picture. Your face was the last thing I saw before going to sleep. It helped chase away the nightmares." He elaborated.

"I'm here now John. You don't need to dream anymore." Joss uttered sweetly before leaning forward and popping the button on his slacks. He helped her and soon they and his boxer briefs were left forgotten on the floor as well. "Wow John" Joss said, leaning on her forearms to gaze with appreciation at his large and swollen manhood. To say she was impressed would have been an understatement. Without thinking, she reached over and grabbed him, causing him to let out a hot groan. Her hair curtained her face as she got on her knees, her mouth close to the tip with her hands stroking his length.

"J-Joss wait." He begged through clenched teeth. Instead, she increased her speed and began using her tongue. Knowing he wasn't going to get through to her, John tried to keep sane as he put a hand on her hip and started pulling so that her lower body now covered his chest, but she didn't stop. This position was more comfortable so she could enjoy to her heart's content. Tucking her hair behind her ear, Joss finally wrapped her lips around his member. John let out another groan before saying "Two can play at this game Joss." Fighting the urge to give into what she was doing, John positioned her until her hot core was inches from his face. He grabbed her butt cheeks and it was Joss's turn to gasp but she didn't remove her mouth from him. It felt too good to give John pleasure and it made her hotter the more she did it.

John used his finger to lightly stroke her outer lips, mesmerized by how wet she was for him. He faltered when he felt Joss taking him deeper. So she wanted to make this a competition did she? Using his thumbs to spread her more to him, John took his thumb and teased the little bundle of nerves.

Joss paused what she was doing, feeling the tingling in her being. She wanted more of him before she lost herself so she began to suck harder and stroke faster. It was in vain however as John's expert touch did more to combat her. When he slipped a finger into her, they both moaned, Joss because it had felt unbelievable and John because he couldn't believe how tight she was. Curling his finger, John was quick to find that spot that Joss swore was impossible to find thanks to her past lovers. Her eyes widened and finally she released him. "Oh god John, right there." Now all she could do was grab the sheets tightly as he continued to stroke her perfectly.

Again, they changed positions, this time John moved from underneath her. She dropped to the bed in surrender to his ministrations. A string of moisture followed his finger when he removed it and Joss looked back at him, angry that he had left her unsatisfied. "Enough games" he growled.

"I agree."

"I need to get a condom."

He made a move to get off the bed but she stopped him. "No need. I've been on the pill since having Taylor. Get in me this second John."

John raised an eyebrow at her. "You sure are bossy during sex ,Joss."

"I wouldn't be if you didn't tease me so damn much John." She squealed when she felt him lifting her left leg and draping it over his shoulder. The only parts of her body touching the bed were her shoulders and head. Joss felt so vulnerable, being unable to move. When she felt the tip of his arousal at her entrance, her breath hitched.

"This was my favorite position with you in my dream Joss. I'd always imagine you as being quite flexible." He teased again, rubbing against her but not pushing in yet. John loved that she was so ready for him.

"I'm not some kind of…" a scream stopped her from finishing as John rammed into roughly in one go. Their bodies quivered as the sensation of being joined for the first time washed over them. John was still taken aback that she was so tight and gave her a moment to adjust. Joss could only sob at how good it felt to have him buried so deep. When he finally started moving, it was incredible. The pace was slow as his hands held her in place. Her cries were muffled by the pillow she buried her face in. "Yes John, oh there!" she shouted when she felt him stroking against her clit. Her body couldn't take it much longer. Joss's muscles began tighten but she did her best to ward off her orgasm, wanting John to cum with her.

He pumped in and out of Joss at a steady pace, turning her fully on her back so that she would be comfortable. He was entranced by the way her breasts moved in sync with his thrusts. John couldn't resist squeezing one and holding it to suck on the nipple while the other hand stimulated the other breast. "Give me your hand Joss" he demanded as he felt his loins burning. Joss blindly reached for him until their right hands became intertwined. He wanted to feel connected to her as they came closer to falling into the abyss.

John moved up, dragging her legs higher up his back, until he was level with her face. A heated kiss was exchanged before he dropped his head to her ear. "Joss, you feel so hot right now" he whispered hoarsely."

"Yes, so hot. I'm so close John." Her voice was failing her as she felt that invisible coil in the pit of her stomach tightened again and again.

"M-me too Joss. Me t-too." He blindly reached for her left leg, pulling it up to allow him for deeper penetration.

Finally Joss couldn't hold back as she finally felt her body give into the overwhelming feelings. As her orgasm passed over her, John's thrust faltered as she squeezed him tighter than he thought possible. He growled into her ear as he finally spilled himself into her.

John stopped himself from letting his full weight fall on Joss, instead going to her side and pulling their still connected hands until her head landed on his chest. "That was incredible" she commented breathlessly as she draped her leg over John's.

He pulled the comforter over them as their bodies slowly began to relax. "Feeling better?" he asked, referring to if she was warm and she nodded her head. "I would not take that back for anything Joss. That was even better than anything I could have dreamed of." The real thing was better for sure. When Joss lifted her head back to look at him, he noticed a sparkle in her eyes. He pushed some of her sticky hair to get a better look. "What's wrong?"

Joss shook her head before laying her head over his heart. "Nothing is wrong John. I just know that…I love you." John pulled her closer at hearing the words and nuzzled her hair, in complete awe that he had heard the words out loud. "I know that it's been hard for you and I'm not expecting you to say anything yet…"

"I love you too" he said before she went any further. John didn't want her to have any doubts and it was easy for him to say those words when he hadn't even said them to Jessica. "I do Joss. You mean the world to me."

Her fingers were tracing his chest. "I know that it's not easy for you to say how you feel."

"It's not but I know what I feel for you is something that I haven't said to anyone before. I don't want to be afraid until it's too late for me to do anything." He watched her yawn. "Go to sleep Joss. When you wake up, I'll make us something to eat. The storm isn't going to let up for a while."

"That doesn't sound bad at all." After sharing a kiss, they settled into the bed and Joss closed her eyes. Before John did the same, his eyes drifted to the phone that lay on the bedside table. A smirk pulled at his lips as he carefully reached over as to not wake Joss. After going through the apps, he raised it to get her perfectly in frame with her hair tousled and face relaxed. When the shutter snapped, John smiled as she scowled before relaxing again and burying her body further into his. He put the phone back and put a possessive hand on her back before falling asleep too.

* * *

Post A/N: So to all my fellow Careesers and readers, thanks for another year of awesome reading and inspiration. Even though the show continues to fall further thanks to dumb creative choices, it's nice to be surround by people that feel the same as me and don't push something that has no proof to back it up like we've seen a lot right now. Love you all, especially SWWoman for all the times she gave my stuff a second glance, the FB groups for giving me a place to vent about current POI, readers for giving my stories a look and leaving reviews which are always appreciated, and anyone I talk to on FB and the chatroom, big hugs to you too:D Have a safe and happy holidays:)


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